Moving on.

Its really a pletora of mixed emotions - happy, relieved, tired, peaceful, nonchalant, shattered, numb, disappointed, thankful.. All lumped into one. And it has taken a toll on me emotionally.

At the end, we didn't work out and parted ways. The world didn't crashed on me - I've given up long before that fateful "official" day. I just wanted it to "get it done and over with once and for all", and really, just move on.

I pondered for a long time, almost 6 months I think, and came to the conclusion that I'm a million times happier off alone than attached. So, I told my parents that I've no intention of getting married, and mom says "ok lor..." while dad gave me all sorts of theories about being lonely during the golden years and what nots.. I've Jesus, what else do I need?

At the very end, it really boils down to my relationship with the Lord. Everything else really doesn't matter - career, family, friends, studies, play... they all take a back seat in the light of Jesus. And He satisfies every single need and want that I can ever ask for.. And I begin to understand what Job understood about expecting good from the Lord. Always expecting good things from the Lord...

I left Manulife, I do not need the potential to earn a huge paycheck and do not see the need in the future either. I joined a new company whom the Lord has chosen and has placed me in a department made up of strong believers in Christ. This is my new family, this is where I want to grow and invest my time and talents in. To be a blessing, salt and light to the company, and may the Lord prosper everything I do. Amen.

Tired.. Emotionally, Mentally, Physically and Spiritually...

A billion events has happened as I pen this entry... I left the banking industry, deciding to go back to financial planning, but things just doesn't seem to be moving forward. I don't really get it but it's gonna take a while before things start picking up again.

I don't know if the relationship that I'm in will carry on, or will it last, or whatever... Most probably we won't end up being together, and I think one relationship is really more than anything I can handle in this lifetime. Really, I'm much better off "dying single" to quote a friend.

Its a very draining part of my life. Especially emotionally; which in turn affects everything else.

I just want to get my life back again, find my laughter, my cheerfulness, my bubblyness. My friend told me that I've lost my bubbly self, that I've become a lot less happy and that I've toned down a lot lately. Well.. I've been through hell and back.

Think about His love... Think about His goodness...

I miss you Lord, i mean it.. There is a longing in my heart to hear your voice, to heed your call... I know, that you've been faithfully standing by my side throughout this short years in my life, and i thank you for that, that you've always ensured that i'm protected, loved, comforted whenever i needed you.

Thank you so much for bring her into my life, for even as i prayed for a lifelong partner - a girl who would go to church with me, whom we can go to te movies together, who is talkative n chatty - you've always exceeded all that i've asked, all that i've prayed for. By grace, i've found a girl who cares so much for me, who's willing to help me and guide me along this god given relationship, who's a christian, and was even on fire for the Lord. She's a girl whom i wanted to give all my attention, whom i wish i can make her laugh, whom i wish i'll always be a blessing in her life. i love her, more than i ever imagine i could love a person... And to me, tat really spoke volumes.

Now, i really dunno if i can meet her mark, and if i miss her expectations, and all the wat ifs, so hows, what to dos, and if the 2 of us being together has no joy... i pray that Lord, help me change, help this relationship that i really treasure and help me learn the ropes of being understanding, the ropes of genuine communication and give me the right words to say and convey my turmoil of emotions..

You told us, that when u go home, you'll send the holy spirit to be our counselor, our teacher and our guide. pray, teach me dear lord to be a person that she'll always be proud of, who brings a smile to her face first thing in the morning and a smile when she sleeps... teach me, mould me, rebuke me, and Lord, change me into the person you want me to be.

Holy spirit come, i invite you, i need you, i'm so damm lost without you....

yoyo!! updates!

Hi ho!

PHEW!!!! Finally!!! i'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!! Tomorrow will be the last day of my prelims!! ahhahahahhaahahahahhaa!!!!! damm bloody tiring. Mug n mug n mug like nobody's business.. lol...

k k, the girl right? lol... mai gah li khong! well... we're married. LOL! the rest of the details just add in yourself, fill in the blanks, blah blah.. Let me reiterate - once confirm, you'll know. till then, PRAY FOR ME!

This year's gonna be pretty crazy, thinking of a job change, first exam in UOL, by grace i'll be attached, no longer available, still learning more about the stock market, other than that, working damm bloody hard to secure the top student position.

WATCH THIS SPOT!

Econs Prelim

Just completed my econs prelim today, actually its the very very first day of my prelims. =) I think i faired pretty well, and if the models i used were correct, i should be getting at least 70marks for the paper. Hmm.... wasn't very easy tho... sigh...

Well, juz a couple of updates, frens would probably be dying right now to know how in the world did i spend valentines day.. heh..... none of ur biz. LOL! kidding la... lets see... v-day prep took me a couple of days actually, it started with finding the right recipe, the gifts, sourcing for the ingredients, the gifts and even the valentine's day card.. =) wanted to make it as nice n memorable as possible for her.

Anyways, keep guessin ya? Can guess till the cows come home and u'll still not get it right.. LOL... aiya, once confirm le, then we'll let u know la....

These few days were basically spent mugging, occasionally dating, and then the rest of the time doing exam papers.. nothing to get excited about, probably the whole studying thing will blow over in may whereby the exams ends.

kk, tata, cya next round. =)

Bubble burst?

Hmmm... really, this is really one very difficult post, cos got so many things going on in my life right now.... maybe i should consider doing a powerpoint presentation or something...zzz....

k, first things first - regarding the lady i met, back in mar, 'progressed' in dec, but after which, deflated in jan. Well, I'd say i liked her then, but its getting a bit difficult to maintain the relationship when we meet up only once a month, and the only communication we had was via sms... zz.. so that didn't quite work out.

I'm in the midst of a job change, resumes have been prepared, just ready to be fired out to the various companies that's all. Most probably i'll be joining a brokerage firm and start off as a broker, learn to do some decent trading and then work on my degree in the meanwhile... Speaking of which, prelims are juz kinda round the corner, econs is more or less prepared, now left with stats and maths and soci to prepare that's all.... zz... bian koon liao!!

There's someone special in my life right now, I guess I still can't disclose her identity since we're not officially together yet. I pray our hearts will find our way, and then if all goes well, maybe, just maybe, I'll no longer be left on the shelf. :)

Eugene's granny was hospitalised yest... sounds pretty bad, kidney failure and diabetes, then having pneumonia too. hmmm... hope she can pull through, Jesus - we're counting on You!

Pretty much confused, with too many things to do, and too little time on hand. Hmmx. Nevermind.

Anyway, i went to get a new pair of glasses today at teck whye shopping centre - just a corner little optical shop. kaixin helped me choose a decent frame cause i can't see myself without my glasses, so ya, need her help. Basically i was pretty much spolit for choices when it came to choosing the glasses... too many! then the problem is that i basically can't see anything without lenses... sianz. Degree increased again... right eye i think still functional, but the left eye worsened a little bit.. hmmm.. Maybe when i'm older, and i start to have longsightedness it will actually auto correct itself... lol..

Hmm.... valentines' day is coming... any suggestions anyone? =)

OMG!!! Prelim jitters!!!

Really, the first thing that came to my mind was "What the FUCK?!" I just got my prelim exam dates from my fren.. Its really amazing - last econs lecture will be on 21st Feb, prelim starts on 23rd Feb. Fucking work us like a DOG sia.. zzz.. Damm pissed.

STI rallied like crazy today - recovered almost everything since monday's scare. I missed the boat, should have posted a higher bidding price but its ok, there'll always be other boats to catch.

Alan's bet on AC Milan winning the soccer finals went *poof* when AC lost their game against God knows who.. I'm not a big fan of soccer, so i really know nuts about the game.. just that the odds are pretty amazing - 1vs9 or 1vs10, effectively 900% or 1000% returns.. lolz... ya i know, wtf right?

Well, i've been studying again, doing papers like there's no tomolo.. lolz... damm bloody, freaking tired.. it doesn't really very help to add on the fact that i'm in the midst of a job change.. typing resume, sending it here sending it there.. lolz.. I've slacked enough le, gotta do something about my life.

Went supper with evann juz now... so i'm pretty full - had mee goreng and hor fun, 2 person eat lo.. hmm.. She permed her hair, look a bit more mature le, i guess it'll take a while to get used to her new look ba...

k, gotta rest le... tomolo still got work.. zzz...